I’m thrilled to finally be launching the personal growth section of Squintillions! I know that there are MANY other people writing and speaking on this theme, so I must say it is a bit daunting to begin. However, if sharing my story and what I’ve learned through my experiences and research can help even one person find direction and fulfillment, then for me, it is certainly worth the effort.
My Back Story in Three Paragraphs
A peek into my back story will help others understand where I am coming from. When I look back on my life from ages 23 to 29, I felt like life just happened to me. I definitely did not make any concrete plans. Sure I planned to work and go on some vacations, but I did not think very far into the future. A year and a half after getting my bachelor’s degree, I got married, moved to another country, and started working. The biggest decision I made during that time period was to study for an MBA part-time through the university in the town where I lived, while I continued working. Just as I completed my degree, my then husband got headhunted for a job in California. They made an offer he couldn’t refuse. My life would change no matter my reaction. So we moved.
Once in California, I temped and then was hired at the company I was working at and stayed there for a couple years until my first child was born. I was in my early 30s and my one big decision was to leave the workplace to take care of my son. For the next few years, I made many day-to-day decisions, but not many life decisions or plans. I had a second son almost four years later, who needed extra medical attention when he was born. Almost no one plans for that. Soon, my life was running me. Just when it looked like we were beyond most of the larger issues of my son’s medical needs, developmental concerns appeared, and he was eventually diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. My marriage was over within the next couple years, dying out like a candle flame that has run out of wick to burn.
None of this is what I thought would happen in my life when I was growing up in a small town in Wisconsin. I certainly didn’t plan for it to happen this way. But what had I planned for? Nothing specific. Nothing measurable. Nothing within a certain time frame. My life plan was the sort of typical life plan that one would expect at the time I came of age. Go to college, get a job, get married, start a family, buy a house, live happily ever after, ad nauseam. In retrospect, my lack of goal-setting had me living my life on autopilot. As I processed my separation from my ex, I began to realize that I needed to override the autopilot and take control. Most importantly, I had to figure out the intended destination.
Working Through the Process
Talking to trusted friends was my first approach to processing my separation and life as a single parent, of course, and there were a handful of people that helped me through by the sheer act of listening. I also read some online articles and blog posts, much like this one. Once I felt unburdened and understood, I asked someone who I felt had his life together, if he could recommend a few motivational books or articles to me that might help me get my life on track. One of my favorite articles was this one by James Clear called, “Sisu: How to Develop Mental Toughness in the Face of Adversity.” I loved the idea of Sisu and even wrote it in permanent marker on the strap of my Fitbit to remind myself to dig in with determination to move forward no matter how tough things get.
One of the first philosophical, self-development type of book I read was The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom (A Toltec Wisdom Book) by Don Miguel Ruiz. This provided an interesting, yet simple, philosophy on how to handle internal thought processes and interactions with others through the application of four main principles:
- Be impeccable with your word.
- Don’t take anything personally.
- Don’t make assumptions.
- Always do your best.
Click the cover image to buy this book on Amazon. It is one of the site’s most popular books to buy!
The book goes into greater detail as to why people would want to focus on and implement these principles. It is easy to understand the reasoning behind these principles, but I found it difficult to reliably put them into practice, even when completing the exercises from the “The Four Agreements Companion Book: Using the Four Agreements to Master the Dream of Your Life (Toltec Wisdom).” However, if you feel this philosophy rings true to you, please pick up this short and easy-to-read book and consider getting its companion.
While this was a positive start, I was looking for something more — a guide, a method for planning with steps and structure — essentially an instruction manual for life. When I started reading The Success Principles: How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be, by Jack Canfield with Janet Switzer, I knew I had found it.
In my next post, “Planning Your Life and Dreams: Top 10 Tips to Achieve Your Goals,” I go into detail regarding the top 10 success principles from the book that helped me with goal setting and planning for the future.